Boy: Why do you straighten your hair?
Girl: Because it makes it look longer.
Boy: oh
Doctor: Okay, tell me again how you burned your penis.
Friend: There's nothing worse than death.
Me: Final seasons
Me: Post-concert depression
Me: When there's no food
Me: Fictional characters dying
Me: Hipster blogs
Me: When your crush asks someone else out
Me: No wi-fi
Friend:
Me: When porn appears on your dash while someone is behind you